Role-play

This post is a little more serious and on a different topic than many of my posts which are more focused around my eating disorder and recovery journey from that. Ok, so as the title says this post will be about role-playing.

I’ve been role-playing since the age of 14, it quickly became an addiction. My escape from the horrid reality of my life. The escape from bullying, emotional abuse, school stress. It’s my safe haven. A safe haven which isn’t so safe.

Role-playing can be very dangerous. Not all role-play. But some. When in control it is fine, safe. It’s just a bit of fun then. The problem lies when it gets out of control. When it becomes an addiction. When the role-play affects your real life.

Things for me have been losing friends over it, becoming paranoid, over past experiences and living in the world of the character, role-playing so often that in my mind I was always out of the real world and in the mind of my character. I find role-play has also isolated me quite a bit. I already had social anxiety and generally don’t mix well with people but I think the obsession with role-play hs made it harder for me to make new friends because I don’t know how to hve a friend, I don’t know how to speak to people… I don’t know anything really.

In a way I guess role-playing is childish. Regressing back to when you played little fantasy games as a child because they made you happy.. You were safe back then. Role-play is similer  in the fact that is does make you happy. For a while. But then it spins out of control and your even unhappier than you were before but your addicted and you can’t escape.  It’s like you just don’t know how to be happy.

Your still trapped in the childlike mind of thinking that if you pretend it will all be ok and because it was all OK for a while you want to pretend some more because maybe pretending will make it all better once again.