Anorexia · Anxiety · Binge eating · chronic fatigue · chronic illness · Depression · Eating disorder · eating disorder recovery · endometriosis · Law · Personal · Recovery · spoonie

6 weeks of 2nd year

Hello again readers of my blog. Today I am coming to you after 6 weeks of second year. Well six weeks of lectures. 7 if you count freshers week and 8 if you consider the fact that reading week is almost over.

The last 6 weeks have been hard. I started out trying to do it all. climbing, model UN, my two committee responsibilities and of course that all important degree. Swiftly realised trying to do it all wasn’t going to happen. It’s not good for my health. And after a 2 and a half week migraine I’ve learnt I need to start taking it easy and listening to my body. Which means sacrificing things I love to prioritise my health and that all important Law Degree.

It also meant learning to say no because lets face it if I haven’t been able to get out of bed, or even lay in bed and watch TV all day, let alone do any uni work. I shouldn’t be leaving the house to go to something extra curricula. Even if it is one of my committee responsibilities.

Saying no is really hard. Not being able to do what your body should be able to do. Not even being able to push through anymore it really frustrating. Especially if your someone like me who likes being busy. When you physically can’t it hurts and it’s an adjustment process.

Over the last couple of months I’ve pushed myself well beyond what I feel healthy enough to do on a daily basis. I’ve got behind on uni work and somewhat caught up again. And all I can say is I’m proud of myself for what I’ve managed. I’m proud of my strength in dealing with all of this and still committing myself to my uni work 100%. Not using “I’m not really feeling well.” as an excuse to slack off and skip all my lectures or not put the effort I know I can into my seminar preps or coursework assignments because I can’t really be bothered.

At least now I know. I’m doing the best I can and no matter what comes from it, at this time in my life I can’t do any better. Not without sacrificing my health even more than I probably already am.

It’s like being more ill has made be more motivated to do my uni work because feeling too ill to do things a significant amount of time leads to a lot of boredom if you don’t at-least try to push through some of the time.

Over the last few weeks I’ve been pushing for diagnoses. Having blood tests, pelvic ultrasounds and going to physiotherapy appointments. All of which are enough to exhaust me. I’ve also learnt how much love and support I have around me. I couldn’t be more thankful for it. It’s funny actually how much support you get when you start opening up about your issues and trying to be honest about what is going on.

But yes, after the last few weeks I can tell you that anything is possible. Well not anything. You have to choose your priorities, but once you set your heart on something you will manage it. You may just have to take it at a slower pace than others do.

I can tell you that studying full time on a highly demanding course whilst being chronically ill is hard and sometimes it feels impossible. But I can also say that if you want it enough you will get through it, somehow. It may take you 4 years instead of 3. It may mean you can’t indulge in the typical “uni life” as much. But you can do it.

I am going to take that “I can do it.” Forward into the next few months and final year of my degree. Because unless I get so ill that I’m forced to drop out then I can do it.

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